December 2016

By Olga Zavgorodnya

Mankind has pondered dreams since the beginning of time. For most of history, there was no authoritative position on why we sleep, dream or what our dreams are supposed to mean. We do know that biologically and physically, our bodies need time to rebuild and recover from the day; our bodies repair and produce necessary goodies for the next day’s work. However, what about our minds?

Michelle Carr, Ph.D, a researcher at the Dream and Nightmare Laboratory in the Center for Advanced Research in Sleep Medicine (CARSM), explains that when we sleep, “The information encoded during the day that is replayed and strengthened during the immediate night’s sleep, is a critical part of memory consolidation.”  It turns out that one of the primary benefits of sleep is solidifying memories.

Newly published research study by Mark Blagrove, a sleep researcher at Swansea University in the U.K, welcomed 44 participants to record their recollections of their dreams for a period of ten days. Blagrove discovered that “Important events often go into dreams, and we assume these events are being consolidated during REM sleep.” Essentially, sleep mechanisms trigger our brain to sort through all our memories (obtained from the day); some get stored away for long-term, permanent storage, while others are retired without ceremony. They go “poof” into the atmosphere (or something).

Even more interesting is researchers’ finding that our dreams not only relay experience that we had during the waking day, but that while we sleep, we incorporate past experiences. Elizaveta Solomonova, a doctoral student at the Dream and Nightmare Laboratory at the Center for Advanced Research in Sleep Medicine in Montreal, states that while we dream, our brain “…uses some elements that are recent but finds links with memories from the past.”

In one model, three categories of memories exist: life experiences, information or knowledge, and learned bodily responses (how to do things). This is but one reason the mental health field strongly encouraged getting the appropriate amount and quality of sleep. Ample sleep allows the mind ample opportunity to store one’s experiences.

More and more evidence states that giving your body the time for maintenance can have a profound effect on how one feels in the morning, and all day. Moral of the story: do NOT neglect your sleep; it is essential to success. It is no exaggeration to say that the biggest segment of self-care is securing sufficient sleep—quality and quantity.

For more information:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201607/how-your-dreams-really-work?collection=1091356

On December 22, 36-year-old mother Sascha Collins was arrested for committing a series of felony domestic battery acts on her two sons, aged seven and nine. Collins also has a third child, a teenage daughter; she was apparently the brave soul who contacted police upon arriving home and seeing her two brothers, bruised and petrified in a corner. Reportedly, Collins threw her sons against the wall, struck them with a belt buckle, bit them, all while verbally accosting them. There heinous crime: opening their Christmas gifts early.

This type of rage-filled violent parenting is not what I mean when I refer to discipline, establishing a reasonable dominance, or establishing oneself as a Parent in Charge. Lamentably, this kind of criminal behavior gets confused with appropriate spanking. Parents who learn that I support spanking often get the wrong idea, presuming that I support beatings. But this is like suggesting that because I support cooking my steak, I also support exploding it with dynamite.

To avoid this confusion, let me state unequivocally: in no way is beating your child remotely acceptable. This is not what an Alpha Parent or Parent in Charge does; a parent in charge does not strike a child with hostility and certainly not with ferocity. Reasonable discipline is purposeful and effective; this kind of assault is neither.

What this woman has done to her two sons is not discipline. Her sons have learned nothing from this event, other than the fact that their mother is insane and violent. She has lost her authority. Furthermore, this is not how you teach your child patience. This woman exemplifies authoritarian parent – “Do as I say or I will hurt you.” This style is devoid of leading by good example. The irony is that this woman has no self-control (since she was drunk and on strong pain killers while watching her two young sons), yet expected her children to somehow demonstrate self-restraint.

Your children are always watching you. You are always modeling, always teaching; so, practice what you preach. A parent in charge only uses physical discipline (such as spanking) to demonstrate something urgent that needs to be understood or to establish a reasonable dominance—once the latter is established, physical discipline is rarely necessary. A parent in charge explains to the child why they are getting punished; the intention is not to hurt them but to train them. And most importantly, a parent in charge offers reassurance to their child that they still love them very much, even when they are displeased with the child’s behavior.

More is coming on this subject in Dr. Paterno’s upcoming book, Alpha Parenting.
For More Information: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4059540/Mom-allegedly-beat-bit-children-opening-Christmas-gifts-early.html

By Olga Zavgorodnya

During the aging process, many couples link together emotionally and physically in a unique manner. Decisions made within a long-term relationship often reflects both partners’ behaviors and choices. The health history of one’s partner may be exceptionally relevant to one’s health care provider, as it may offer clues into individual health care needs and/or concerns.

Shannon Mejia, a postdoctoral research fellow conducting relationship research with her colleagues at the University of Michigan, Ann Arbor, discovered that longtime couples experienced mirrored levels of depression, difficulty with daily tasks (grocery shopping, cooking, medication management), and health status, such as muscle weakening, pancreatic cancer or kidney trouble. Their minds and bodies not only synced internally, but with each other!

A hopeful discovery is that these relationships are bidirectional when it comes to benefits just as much as losses. William Chopik, an assistant professor of psychology at Michigan State University, found that “over a four-year period, when one partner’s optimism increased, the other partner experienced fewer illnesses such as diabetes and arthritis compared to people whose partners did not become more optimistic”.

Park Ridge Psychological Services has a number of marriage/couples therapists. Couples who have affected each other negatively can evolve in ways that strengthen their relationship, so that they may live in a fashion where they benefit from each other’s more positive traits. One of couple’s therapy’s guiding principles is that individuals and their problems are best handled within the context of the couple’s relationship. Couples willing to explore how they can borrow from each other’s positive assets and traits tend to have far healthier relationships. This is an exciting avenue to explore!

For more information: https://www.yahoo.com/news/m/f5068e45-3d9b-37d9-845b-13c90a6a4b7a/ss_longtime-couples-get-in-sync%2C.html?nhp=1

By Olga Zavgorodnya

Our own personal stories are our own accounts of who we are, what we have done, the intentions we had, our limits and successes. Everyone is bound to produce stories to have an understanding of who they really are. And who we are is mainly our personality and outlook on life. Therefore, our story and the way we tell it to others has tremendous ramifications.

If you have lived through a tough life of abuse and violence – these experiences can cause defeating or destructive thoughts and harmful behavior. If the story you tell is of a character who doesn’t believe in themselves and labels themselves as weak because of the way they remember moments from their lives that left them feeling weak; it’s time to go back and take another look at the story – with a different theme where this character is praised for their resilience in being able to survive what they have been through.

Rewriting your life is not an easy task; however, go through your life’s most memorable moments and describe them in the most favorable way—not only describe, but define them in a way that makes you more of the hero than victim or mere bystander.

I understand some will ask “Okay so what now, what will that do; the moments happened either way, right?” Well, this is an excellent question. Certainly, the moment occurred and cannot be undone; however, the way a person remembers an event or re-tells that event defines the way that this person thinks/remembers about themselves in that situation. When you remember yourself as a victim, you internalize that moment, that experience, and that identity – that of a victim. The goal is to your experience and recognize what it taught you – even if it was a demonstration of how you may not want to live your life.

University of Virginia social psychologist Tim Wilson a researcher in rapid, positive reframing, created a method that is part of Narrative Therapy; he calls his particular brand “story editing” or “story prompting”. Dr. Wilson’s techniques show beneficial outcomes in perspective and behavior. What if rewriting your life story changes your perception of yourself? Imagine that it actually helps you move on from something that may be haunting you. It’s not an easy task, which is why many do this with a trained mental health professional well-versed (pun intended) in narrative therapy.

In therapy, rewriting your story with a therapist helps create a safe environment and gives you the guidance you need to get through it. There are ways to move on—you do not have to be stuck feeling trapped by a story someone else wrote for you. What is your story telling you?

For more information:

https://www.psychologytoday.com/articles/201605/rewrite-your-life?collection=1088426