Abusive Parenting is NOT Alpha

On December 22, 36-year-old mother Sascha Collins was arrested for committing a series of felony domestic battery acts on her two sons, aged seven and nine. Collins also has a third child, a teenage daughter; she was apparently the brave soul who contacted police upon arriving home and seeing her two brothers, bruised and petrified in a corner. Reportedly, Collins threw her sons against the wall, struck them with a belt buckle, bit them, all while verbally accosting them. There heinous crime: opening their Christmas gifts early.

This type of rage-filled violent parenting is not what I mean when I refer to discipline, establishing a reasonable dominance, or establishing oneself as a Parent in Charge. Lamentably, this kind of criminal behavior gets confused with appropriate spanking. Parents who learn that I support spanking often get the wrong idea, presuming that I support beatings. But this is like suggesting that because I support cooking my steak, I also support exploding it with dynamite.

To avoid this confusion, let me state unequivocally: in no way is beating your child remotely acceptable. This is not what an Alpha Parent or Parent in Charge does; a parent in charge does not strike a child with hostility and certainly not with ferocity. Reasonable discipline is purposeful and effective; this kind of assault is neither.

What this woman has done to her two sons is not discipline. Her sons have learned nothing from this event, other than the fact that their mother is insane and violent. She has lost her authority. Furthermore, this is not how you teach your child patience. This woman exemplifies authoritarian parent – “Do as I say or I will hurt you.” This style is devoid of leading by good example. The irony is that this woman has no self-control (since she was drunk and on strong pain killers while watching her two young sons), yet expected her children to somehow demonstrate self-restraint.

Your children are always watching you. You are always modeling, always teaching; so, practice what you preach. A parent in charge only uses physical discipline (such as spanking) to demonstrate something urgent that needs to be understood or to establish a reasonable dominance—once the latter is established, physical discipline is rarely necessary. A parent in charge explains to the child why they are getting punished; the intention is not to hurt them but to train them. And most importantly, a parent in charge offers reassurance to their child that they still love them very much, even when they are displeased with the child’s behavior.

More is coming on this subject in Dr. Paterno’s upcoming book, Alpha Parenting.
For More Information: http://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-4059540/Mom-allegedly-beat-bit-children-opening-Christmas-gifts-early.html

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