If you are currently in a new relationship or hoping to be in one, it’s acceptable to acknowledge that for some in the dating world, knowing what you should say or how to act can be a challenge. Not everyone is a natural. When interest or love strikes, it is often challenging not to get impulsive or even chaotic. The excitement and thrill of starting a new enticing relationship can create hazy vision. Judging what to do with boundaries can be particularly difficult, especially when it comes to the matter of sex.
Dr. Susan Krauss Whitbourne, a professor of Psychological and Brain Sciences at the University of Massachusetts Amherst, and author of The Search for Fulfillment, describes four reasons for her dictum: “Slowing down when it comes to sex – slower is better.”
- Couples tend to move quickly into sexual relationships.
This is not a smart move. If you want to have a strong solid relationship, you cannot rush into a sexual relationship too quickly. Sex makes many people—particularly women—feel vulnerable; it is critical to make certain you both trust each other before you jump right in.
- The slower the sex, the better the relationship.
Take the time to learn about one another: what your partner likes, what they may hate, what their turn-ons and turn-offs are. There is no reason you cannot talk about sex before you have sex. Don’t be scared to talk about this; it is nothing to be embarrassed about. This will only bring you closer together and decrease any worries you may be having.
- Early sexual activity symbolizes relationship commitment.
If you rush into sex too early in your relationship, it is a general predictor of how long your relationship will last. Begin quickly – end quickly; that’s the general pattern. Couples whose relationships last a long time have generally started having sex later in their relationship—after they have learned about one another.
- Entry into cohabitation accounted for the negative effect of relationship tempo on quality.
Research has demonstrated that when couples start having sex early in the relationship, they also slip into premarital cohabitation. The unfortunate consequence: they also reported having less satisfying sexual relationships!
Give yourselves time to learn about each other, to embrace all the components of a relationship without so much focus on the sexual realm. This is extremely important if you are truly looking for something long-term. When you want to build a solid foundation with someone you hope to spend the rest of your life with, it is important to wait.
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