July 2017

Have not been on a Date in a forever – What to do?

Whether you are dating for the first time or for the first time after being in a long serious relationship it can be tricky. With all the gadgets and ways that people distance themselves it is often very hard to see or even meet someone genuinely well-suited. Time and time again, it may feel like someone is perfect, only to find out months later that everything you had thought was merely a charade.

The dating world can be daunting; however, there is still no need to close yourself off from the world. With just a bit of insight and preparation, you can meet the person that is ideally well-matched. Don’t waste precious time trying to figure someone out by just riding it out.

Peg Streep, author of Tech Support: Relationships in the digital age, explains that whether you are just getting out there or whether you are recently divorced and ready to get back into the dating game, these six tips will be very useful in your search for a mate:


Dating Tips:

  1. Humor: Try to ascertain whether someone has a natural sense of humor or merely uses humor to distract from serious conversation.
  2. Sharing needs boundaries: Look out for how much people share about themselves. If they are sharing what feels an excessive amount or degree, they might be anxious or nervous about their insecurities – be careful of that. Also be wary of those who don’t share very much at all.
  3. Focus on how a stories told: What someone is telling you is just as important as how they tell you. Peg Streep directs us to “Ask yourself the following questions as you listen: Is this person reflective by nature? Is he or she trying to make sense of experience or just being a reporter? Is the story an effort to tell you something or is he or she just trying to impress you?”
  4. Pay attention to disclosure style: A couple who has similar disclosure styles may be more successful; when there is a mismatch, both parties suffer. When one person in a relationship can share feelings easily, they may often dismiss the partner who takes longer to verbalize feelings; this can lead to one partner dominating and the other partner withdrawing.
  5. Factor in “truthiness”: With the online world in control, we really do not know how truthful someone is in their profile or through our online communication. Make sure that whoever you are with is not trying to lie to you to gain power over the relationship.
  6. Try to have fun: Practice these tips and don’t forget to have fun. No matter what, the way the night goes is in your control – go in there with the mindset that you are going to have a good time.

If you do not at least try your best, you will never know what you can could have or find. The important factor is to know that each individual is unique. It may take a couple tries and a little bit of time to truly find someone who is compatible. Be yourself! That is more than enough because the right person will appreciate everything you have to offer.

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What is Family Therapy Really?

Family therapy is designed, first and foremost, to address various sources of pain held within a family. The focus is breaking down walls, clearing up muddled and hidden communication, and practicing speaking one’s peace in a safe space. Everyone’s family is different and families don’t always work the way one imagines them to.

Family therapy stands in contrast to individual therapy: “The assumption in this type of therapy is that problems cannot be successfully addressed or solved without understanding the dynamics of the group. The way the family operates influences how the client’s problems formed and how they are encouraged or enabled by the other members of the family”, explained Courtney Ackerman, a graduate of the Positive Organizational Psychology and Evaluation Program at Claremont Graduate University.

When for whatever reason family positive growth is stunted or stalled, family therapy can be enormously helpful. Family systems need to change, adapt and reorganize themselves in order to accommodate individuals’ development needs. Family therapy can be especially useful during times of transition. Transitions tend to be a stressful time for families and often include:


Identity confusion

Role strain/ Role confusion

Shift in boundaries (formation of coalitions/ alliances/ triangles)

Unmet wants and needs

Poor coping and problem solving

Decrease un-effective communication

Increased conflict/ decreased relationship satisfaction

Manifestation of health symptoms

Feelings of incompetence/ insecurity

It is useful because, as Ackerman states, “Family therapy can enhance skills required for healthy family functioning, including communication, conflict resolution, and problem-solving.” When a family equips its members with the tools and skills to be successful, addressing family issues becomes less problematic and overwhelming. Building honesty, trust, empathy, boundaries, and compassion builds and strengthens the family bonds, ensuring that family is functioning at peak performance. Don’t let your family fall apart when there is help available to you.


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