Part 2: Time to make the cut and how to do it!
If you are currently in the process of realizing you are in a dead-end relationship and you would like to change that, take heart. There is a way to do it! While it might be much harder than you originally realized because of how much time and effort you may have invested, a bad relationship will only keep taking more investment with little payout (if any at all). It is up to you to make the final decision to end the bad deal you have and focus on moving forward to better things.
Author of Think Forward and Thieve, Jennice Vilhauer, Ph.D. of the School of Medicine at Emory University and most recently director of the outpatient psychotherapy program at Emory Healthcare, created five steps to help you make the break up official and final:
- Cut off contact – This part is very important because it is very easy to get sucked back into a bad relationship. Whichever method you used to make the decision, stick to it. Delete their number and any other contact information you may have as to avoid the temptation to run back to them when the inevitable loneliness creeps.
- Let go of the fantasy – You tried, time and time again. Even if you remember it being amazing, face the truth that it will never be that way again. Let go and move on to new, better, and brighter things. You will develop new fantasies as you learn more about yourself and what makes you happy. You cannot deny that you have changed since you last stepped out in the dating world.
- Make peace with the past – Be grateful for the experiences you have had and the things you learned as a result. Forgive yourself for the time that you must let go of, even though you may have invest so much. Simply put, you must let go and allow yourself to move forward.
- Know it is OK to still love them – Obviously they were a big part of your life. They may have even been present for key milestones of your life, but that does not change the situation you are in now. It’s perfectly acceptable and understandable to love them for all that they have done for you and the times they were by your side. However, their support has run its course.
- Love yourself more – If your partner is making you feel horrible, chose to choose yourself. Make the decision to make yourself happy, if your partner cannot, and let them go. You will have an opportunity to meet someone new; but first, make decisions that are good for you, your future, and your health. A bad relationship will only keep drawing from your emotional (and financial) account; don’t let it get that far.
Don’t be scared to take the necessary steps to love yourself the way you deserve. Of course, you were with someone for many reasons; but, you must remember the reasons for leaving do outweigh anything worth staying for. You deserve respect, balance, and goodness. It’s time to look for someone who can give you the love and attention you deserve.
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